This evening I read through an old journal I started keeping about three years ago. At the time, I was looking for patterns in my effectiveness (or lack thereof) as a parent. During an especially trying time, I wrote this in my notebook: Don't give up!
I never gave up, and I never will.
As I journey down my current path towards divorce, I find that having patience in parenting is often easier these days. Some dreams have shattered into a million shards, and some of the past lies crumbled at my feet. And yet, God is extending grace and mercy to me and the kids through this difficult time. I wouldn't say that He started me down this path so that the kids and I would grow closer, but He is using it to cause growth and deep abiding love. I can praise Him in the brokenness and be content through the muck and mire.
These excerpts from our reading for the Beyond Consequences Online Parenting Class really spoke to me today:
"Parenting children with severe behaviors is not a simple job, yet it is a responsibility charged to us by God. It is a call to directly face our own fears, worries, and frustrations. Anytime those around us view our parenting struggles in a negative light, we are faced with the fear that perhaps we are not living up to the job bestowed upon us. Anytime we begin to feel as if we are ineffective parents, we are confronted with the fear of failing this calling."
"Children exhibiting severe behaviors present opportunities for us to find healing in places deep within the caverns of our hearts - dark places we never knew existed. They present us with the opportunity to make relational connections far greater than those known to mankind. While this may sound all too poetic and dripping with sugar and icing to you, it is the perspective from which we need to work and strive to attain in order to ultimately relate to our children. When a parent's heart is open and operating out of a place of love, the parent has the emotional capacity to be in the child's pain with him, instead of reacting against the child's pain and against the child."
Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control
Heather T. Forbes & B. Bryan Post
Today's journal entry?
Great day! Praise God!
Thank you, Lord, for giving me patience and understanding today. Thank you for being my Rock and Shield when I felt utter despair over the losses in my life. Thank you for the blessing of my two precious children.
(photo: notebook entry 6-21-07)
1 comment:
Wow, I only read the first two paragraphs, and I didn't know you kept a journal, I have tried to keep a journal but I haven't been doing well on the journal thing, so I have been doing a blog, about my current life days. I just went into middle school and I am looking at the blogs. Please come check mine out and comment on it. my address is hohonb.blogspot.com! You have a great blog and I would love to be able to keep talking with you, over our blog commenting.
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