God's Will

Fate. Destiny. Reality. Free will. God's will.

These are thoughts that consume man's mind, if he will but let them. Even a non-Christian will wrestle with these aspects of life on earth. They can be quite nebulous, just like the (accidental) photograph above. They are hard to figure out and difficult to grasp.

Perhaps that is why I, and so many other non-TV watchers, enjoy the TV show, Lost. Sure, the survivors on the island are dealing with the physical and emotional realities of being stranded on a mysterious island for most of the show's 5+ year tenure. But, the ideas of man's free will vs. God's will figure quite prominently in the story lines. (Or in the case of Lost, perhaps it's more accurate to say, the island's will.)

Some of these thoughts have served to make me most grateful that I am taking the Beyond Consequences Online Parenting Class right now. The class is not only helping me understand how to be a better parent, but it is helping me understand and process what's going on surrounding our divorce.

The chapter we've been reading for the past two weeks has to do with the fact that our own past hurts, anger, and unresolved issues are unearthed when you parent your children. The way I am able to apply it to my life has been a Godsend. It not only helps me as a mom, but the fact that much of it also applies to my divorce is what makes me believe that God's hand is in the convergence of this class and my current struggles.

Some of the thoughts I've gleaned from this chapter, which apply to both parenting challenges and going through a divorce, are:

~ Feelings of anger are normal and to be expected.
~ Current hurt unearths past hurt.
~ Anger can serve to protect you from painful memories.
~ Unchecked anger causes you to act out of fear, causes you to blame others, and becomes destructive.

The whole free will/God's will balance is one I don't think we'll ever adequately figure out, this side of heaven. I just know that because of the things this class has caused me to think about, my parenting is more effective. And, I'm better able to help steer both myself and my kids through this unpleasant sea of divorce.

Rejoice always,
pray without ceasing,
in everything give thanks;
for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
I Thessalonians 5: 16-18 NKJV

(photo taken by our daughter in a restaurant - we were being silly, and she must have moved)

Don't Give Up!

This evening I read through an old journal I started keeping about three years ago. At the time, I was looking for patterns in my effectiveness (or lack thereof) as a parent. During an especially trying time, I wrote this in my notebook: Don't give up!

I never gave up, and I never will.

As I journey down my current path towards divorce, I find that having patience in parenting is often easier these days. Some dreams have shattered into a million shards, and some of the past lies crumbled at my feet. And yet, God is extending grace and mercy to me and the kids through this difficult time. I wouldn't say that He started me down this path so that the kids and I would grow closer, but He is using it to cause growth and deep abiding love. I can praise Him in the brokenness and be content through the muck and mire.

These excerpts from our reading for the Beyond Consequences Online Parenting Class really spoke to me today:

"Parenting children with severe behaviors is not a simple job, yet it is a responsibility charged to us by God. It is a call to directly face our own fears, worries, and frustrations. Anytime those around us view our parenting struggles in a negative light, we are faced with the fear that perhaps we are not living up to the job bestowed upon us. Anytime we begin to feel as if we are ineffective parents, we are confronted with the fear of failing this calling."

"Children exhibiting severe behaviors present opportunities for us to find healing in places deep within the caverns of our hearts - dark places we never knew existed. They present us with the opportunity to make relational connections far greater than those known to mankind. While this may sound all too poetic and dripping with sugar and icing to you, it is the perspective from which we need to work and strive to attain in order to ultimately relate to our children. When a parent's heart is open and operating out of a place of love, the parent has the emotional capacity to be in the child's pain with him, instead of reacting against the child's pain and against the child."

Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control
Heather T. Forbes & B. Bryan Post

Today's journal entry?
Great day! Praise God!

Thank you, Lord, for giving me patience and understanding today. Thank you for being my Rock and Shield when I felt utter despair over the losses in my life. Thank you for the blessing of my two precious children.

(photo: notebook entry 6-21-07)