In All Things

Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
I Thessalonians 5:18

When you say your wedding vows, you have a misguided youthful optimism that the "for poorer," "for worse," and "in sickness" will all be minimal, short-lived, and bearable. But when you feel as bashed upon the rocks as this water from a mountain stream, you must still give thanks in all circumstances.

(photo taken by my son on a weekend camping trip with our church)

In the Middle

And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm Reliance on the Protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.
Final sentence in the Declaration of Independence

One week ago today was my 30th anniversary. One week from today, I will be divorced. I am in the middle of two very difficult days. The first milestone was one I yearned to reach and surpass, my parents not making it to 25 years. The second condition was one I never wanted to experience, nor even utter aloud. And yet, here I stand. Not understanding why God has allowed this to happen. Yet praying earnestly that I will be faithful to Him through it all.

Last Monday evening I was surrounded by dear, precious family and friends. Preparing for the occasion kept me busy all the day long. The love and prayers poured out for me and my two children served to carry me through, not only on the day itself, but for several days beyond.

God gave me a tangible reminder that I am not alone. Even in my darkest hours, He is with me. I thank and praise God for those who have walked with me down this difficult path, pledging their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor.

(Our fireworks were cancelled last evening, due to rain. I think that these flowers serve as an even better show, created by our Heavenly Father, and currently residing in the front yard.)

"Lord Jesus, Think On Me"

This hymn was written by Synesius of Cyrene (375-430). Appointed as Bishop in 410, this is the only existing hymn text that has been attributed to him.

Synesius could have been very familiar with this amphitheater, built by Greek settlers to Cyrene (present day Libya) in the 6th Century B.C. Cyrene is considered by some to be one of the most important ancient Greek sites outside of Greece. (Go here to read about efforts to properly restore the ruins pictured above.)

May you be blessed this day by the words of this ancient hymn.

Lord Jesus, Think On Me

Lord Jesus, think on me
And purge away my sin;
From earthborn passions set me free
And make me pure within.

Lord Jesus, think on me,
With many a care oppressed;
Let me Thy loving servant be
And taste Thy promised rest.

Lord Jesus, think on me
Amid the battle’s strife;
In all my pain and misery
Be Thou my Health and Life.

Lord Jesus, think on me
Nor let me go astray;
Through darkness and perplexity
Point Thou the heavenly way.

Lord Jesus, think on me
When floods the tempest high;
When on doth rush the enemy,
O Savior, be Thou nigh!

Lord Jesus, think on me
That, when the flood is past,
I may th’eternal brightness see
And share Thy joy at last.

Lord Jesus, think on me
That I may sing above
To Father, Spirit, and to Thee
The strains of praise and love.

God's Will

Fate. Destiny. Reality. Free will. God's will.

These are thoughts that consume man's mind, if he will but let them. Even a non-Christian will wrestle with these aspects of life on earth. They can be quite nebulous, just like the (accidental) photograph above. They are hard to figure out and difficult to grasp.

Perhaps that is why I, and so many other non-TV watchers, enjoy the TV show, Lost. Sure, the survivors on the island are dealing with the physical and emotional realities of being stranded on a mysterious island for most of the show's 5+ year tenure. But, the ideas of man's free will vs. God's will figure quite prominently in the story lines. (Or in the case of Lost, perhaps it's more accurate to say, the island's will.)

Some of these thoughts have served to make me most grateful that I am taking the Beyond Consequences Online Parenting Class right now. The class is not only helping me understand how to be a better parent, but it is helping me understand and process what's going on surrounding our divorce.

The chapter we've been reading for the past two weeks has to do with the fact that our own past hurts, anger, and unresolved issues are unearthed when you parent your children. The way I am able to apply it to my life has been a Godsend. It not only helps me as a mom, but the fact that much of it also applies to my divorce is what makes me believe that God's hand is in the convergence of this class and my current struggles.

Some of the thoughts I've gleaned from this chapter, which apply to both parenting challenges and going through a divorce, are:

~ Feelings of anger are normal and to be expected.
~ Current hurt unearths past hurt.
~ Anger can serve to protect you from painful memories.
~ Unchecked anger causes you to act out of fear, causes you to blame others, and becomes destructive.

The whole free will/God's will balance is one I don't think we'll ever adequately figure out, this side of heaven. I just know that because of the things this class has caused me to think about, my parenting is more effective. And, I'm better able to help steer both myself and my kids through this unpleasant sea of divorce.

Rejoice always,
pray without ceasing,
in everything give thanks;
for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
I Thessalonians 5: 16-18 NKJV

(photo taken by our daughter in a restaurant - we were being silly, and she must have moved)

Don't Give Up!

This evening I read through an old journal I started keeping about three years ago. At the time, I was looking for patterns in my effectiveness (or lack thereof) as a parent. During an especially trying time, I wrote this in my notebook: Don't give up!

I never gave up, and I never will.

As I journey down my current path towards divorce, I find that having patience in parenting is often easier these days. Some dreams have shattered into a million shards, and some of the past lies crumbled at my feet. And yet, God is extending grace and mercy to me and the kids through this difficult time. I wouldn't say that He started me down this path so that the kids and I would grow closer, but He is using it to cause growth and deep abiding love. I can praise Him in the brokenness and be content through the muck and mire.

These excerpts from our reading for the Beyond Consequences Online Parenting Class really spoke to me today:

"Parenting children with severe behaviors is not a simple job, yet it is a responsibility charged to us by God. It is a call to directly face our own fears, worries, and frustrations. Anytime those around us view our parenting struggles in a negative light, we are faced with the fear that perhaps we are not living up to the job bestowed upon us. Anytime we begin to feel as if we are ineffective parents, we are confronted with the fear of failing this calling."

"Children exhibiting severe behaviors present opportunities for us to find healing in places deep within the caverns of our hearts - dark places we never knew existed. They present us with the opportunity to make relational connections far greater than those known to mankind. While this may sound all too poetic and dripping with sugar and icing to you, it is the perspective from which we need to work and strive to attain in order to ultimately relate to our children. When a parent's heart is open and operating out of a place of love, the parent has the emotional capacity to be in the child's pain with him, instead of reacting against the child's pain and against the child."

Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control
Heather T. Forbes & B. Bryan Post

Today's journal entry?
Great day! Praise God!

Thank you, Lord, for giving me patience and understanding today. Thank you for being my Rock and Shield when I felt utter despair over the losses in my life. Thank you for the blessing of my two precious children.

(photo: notebook entry 6-21-07)

Strength Through the Limping

Writing today's date on our white board in the school room gave me a tinge of sadness. Today is five months until what would have been our 30th wedding anniversary. There are no plans being made for jetting off happily to Hawaii. (More realistically,) there will be no nice dinner out. Not even a quick trip to Taco Bell together. No looking together through our wedding pictures and reminiscing. No well wishes from family. No lingering kisses. No rejoicing.

We will limp towards the day, most likely still legally married. But, unfortunately, on the road to becoming another statistic.

God ordains marriage to be a covenant. He is in the midst of the two who are joined as one. It is a mystical, intangible cementing together of two individuals. Two souls becoming something new.

Tearing it apart is painful beyond belief.

And yet, God has His arms wrapped around me. He holds on tight, never letting go.

...I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4: 12-13 NIV

(I know this looks like a yellow board! It's just my camera phone...)

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

Romans 12:9-15

(My son took this photo while we were walking our dog last week.)

Slightly Less Putrid

Since we all have a tendency to hypocrisy, any hollow appearance of righteousness is quite enough to satisfy us, instead of righteousness itself. Since there is nothing in us or around us that is not greatly tainted with impurity, as long as we are assessing limits of human corruption, anything which is slightly less putrid makes us very pleased with ourselves.

Jean Cauvin (1509-1564)
The Institutes of Christian Religion

I've been praying that God would not let bitterness take root in my heart. All too often I revert to frustration which then turns into anger. It dawned on me that while I'm trying to shield myself from bitterness, it would be quite easy to become done in by something else. Pride, for instance? While doing some reading for our history study this week, I ran across this quote by John Calvin and found it worth sharing.

(Our dog, Lady, smelling yellow snow, which is "slightly less putrid" than eating rabbit pellets!)

Masterpiece of Nature

A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of Nature.
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)


For our first dinner of the new year, I filled our home with friends. There were four families (including mine) who used to worship together, and it was such a blessing to sit around the table and discuss theology, movies, Post Modern America, and a myriad of other topics.

The other three women at the table have cried with me, laughed with me, prayed with me, and allowed me to pour out my heart. Good friends are more than masterpieces of Nature. They are gifts from God!

After they all left, I was gazing at the tree in our dining room. The lights sparkled, not only on the tree itself, but also shone in the reflection of the window. The ornaments hanging from the chandelier picked up light from it, as well as the tree lights. Even after my friends were gone, their love lingered and warmed my heart on a cold winter's night.

Thank you, God, for the gift of friends who help bear our burdens and shine light on our path.

Content New Year

I took this photo in the Abbey chapel because I liked how the rays of the late afternoon sun hit the floor. Some areas were completely shrouded in darkness. Other areas gave a hint of what lay beyond the sun's reaches. The light made an arrow of sorts, pointing forward.

My life goes on. Some areas of my life are shrouded in painful sorrow. Others spread out just beyond what I can see. Only the Lord knows what lies ahead for me.

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.

Philippians 4: 12-13 NIV

One of my goals for 2010 is to be content in any and every situation. Paul writes that the Lord will give me the strength to do this. May I graciously clothe myself with this strength to give Him glory.

Trust in the Lord

A friend who is battling cancer wrote this to me upon receiving our Christmas greetings and letter:

thanks, dear! I'm still working on ours...You are a brave woman. and you are in my prayers.

I am living another unenviable life. That of a wife abandoned for another. This is what I wrote back to my dear friend:

And you are in mine as well! I don't know how brave I am. I think that word is more applicable to you! I suppose we both are traveling a path we never asked for, a path we would not choose for anyone, and a path that elicits more tears than bravery. And yet, with His strength we see the sun rise anew every day. We see the Son arise anew as well. We grow closer to Him with each tortured footstep and vividly learn what it means to...

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes; fear the Lord, and depart from evil. It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.

Proverbs 3: 5-7

In Christian sisterly love,

Deb

At some point I had to start writing about my current life. I suppose this is it. Here is a Christmas Eve picture of my precious children who bring me joy and strength.

Resting Wholly Upon God

Excerpts from The Imitation of Christ by Thomas a Kempis
Book 1 Chapter 12
Of the Uses of Adversity

It is good for us that we sometimes have sorrows and adversities, for they often make a man lay to heart that he...not put his trust in any worldly thing.
...a man ought to rest wholly upon God.

I just returned Sunday from a week in West Virginia. My younger brother broke his femur in late February and was hospitalized for a month and a half. My mom went to help him, broke two vertebrae in her back and had to have surgery.

I fretted with deciding about going. What would happen to our daughter? She was frantic about me flying, and being away from her. When would be the best time to go? Who needed the most help and when? Could I get my mother to fly back with me? What would we do with her car that was in West Virginia?

There were so many questions, and I didn't know the answers to any of them! I prayed. I had friends pray. I read my Bible. I prayed some more. I tried to rest in Him. Truth be told, I fretted more than rested, and didn't see an easy way to solve all the problems.

But, I went anyway, hoping to solve a few of the questions that had perplexed me for days. I went to help my brother and mother with their immediate needs. I finally realized I couldn't solve every problem. I just had to focus on what needed to be done now. And then, God, in His infinite mercy and grace, solved EVERYTHING else, too! It didn't work out as I suspected, but He worked it all out. It still seems like a dream. But it's all very real and mysterious and amazing.

Thank you, Lord, for adversity. And thank you for praying friends, mercy, and answers to questions in ways we could never imagine.

(Photo of a West Virginia forest comes from
this website. When you drive down the hill from the airport in Charleston, you are welcomed by a beautiful wooded area similar to the photo above.)

Cheer Up!

I am still grieving the outcome of Tuesday's election. Not that I was wild about McCain. I wasn't. I just can't believe that so many people would think it's OK to vote for someone who promised to make it a priority to make it easier to kill unborn babies. Even the ones who lived through an abortion. That alone is chilling. And don't get me started on the myriad of other problems with Obama.

This comment from a reader at Blog and Mablog (see sidebar) really cheered me up.

May it do the same for you!

It has been pointed out several times on this blog (quite rightly) that the answer is in Christ, not in politics, and that the solution is to begin with right worship to the Living God. But at some point, the leaven permeates the actual government. At some point, the solution can be seen to have taken affect politically. So how does it get from point A to point B?

If right worship is the first domino, perhaps local politics (and I mean really local) is the third or forth domino. When the leaves wilt, you water the roots, not the leaves -- and then the leaves are rejuvinated.

So perhaps, as we begin to get our churches in order, and our houses in order, we should next seek to get our towns and cities in order, with a long view toward national politics. Any thoughts?

Charles Long - 11/9/2008 3:49:12 PM

I have plenty to do to "get my house in order." I'll focus on that tomorrow. And the next day. And the next. Thank you, Mr. Long.

Blue, This Time

I voted and all it got me was a free Chai at Starbucks.

I saw my formerly red state sitting there on the map. Blue, this time.

I saw the tears in Chicago. I can't seem to shed any of my own. And if I did, it'd be for a different reason anyway.

I strolled around my favorite blogs. It helped to commiserate that way. This post at Blog and Mablog is worth reading if you feel so inclined.

You know, I suppose I got more than a free Chai. I exercised my freedom to speak my mind. That's very important. I was an example for my children. That's very important, too. And tomorrow I'll tell them, quoting Doug Wilson, "God is still Father, Christ is still at His right hand, and the Holy Spirit is still abroad in the world, recreating that world according to the image of Christ. When the nations conspire against Him, He laughs at them." (Go to the link above to read more election day thoughts from Pastor Wilson.)

Independence Day

And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.


Great days never exist alone. There are important events preceeding and following such great days. Consider our country's birthday. Britain's Parliament passed the Stamp Act in 1765, angering the colonists. British troops shot and killed five civilians in Boston in 1770. The actual war began in April of 1775 when colonists took up arms against British troops trying to seize the supplies of the Massachusetts militia. On July 4, 1776, the Second Continental Congress adopted the Declaration of Independence, forming the United States of America. The Americans defeated the British at the Battle of Yorktown in Virginia in 1781. Finally, the Americans and British signed the Treaty of Paris in 1783, 18 years after the Stamp Act.

We would do well to learn from our Founding Fathers. Aside from the Bible, the Declaration of Independence is one of the most inspired texts ever put to paper. In wisdom, and using restraint, they tried to address their grievances without bloodshed and within the confines of the existing ties to Britain. But when provoked, attacked, and ignored, they fought back when necessary. Although up against a more powerful and much larger army, the American troops were victorious in the end.

When we are faced with unfair opposition in our individual lives, we should declare independence from those who would seek to oppress us. As the Declaration states, we should appeal to the Supreme Judge of the world. We can stand firm in our faith, rely on God, and resist the attacks of those who don't understand or agree with us. We can turn the other cheek while also aligning ourselves with those who will uphold us through trials.

"What Is That To You?"

Sunday's Gospel reading was from John 21; where Jesus appears to His disciples while they are fishing and later reinstates Simon Peter. Simon Peter, seeing John, asks, "Lord, what about him?"

Jesus answers, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow Me."

These words of Jesus became very real to me many years ago when we struggled with infertility. I saw friends and family all around us getting pregnant, while we weren't. I often asked God why we couldn't we get pregnant, too. When I read these words in John 21, I could picture Him saying, "If I want her to have 10 children, what is that to you? You must follow Me."

I often forget that the same sentiment applies to me today. Sometimes I wish I had more stylish clothes, a newer car, a nicer house, vacations, fewer bills, family members who were believers, etc.

It doesn't matter what things I wish I had or what trials I am experiencing.

It all boils down to this: I am to follow my Lord, Jesus Christ.

When Bad Things Happen to Good People

Just a few last comments on Job, begun on a previous post.

One could argue that Job is the poster boy for the sentiment of Rabbi Kushner's book: When Bad Things Happen to Good People. I never read this book and it's probably just as well, for the true paradox is quite the opposite. Why do GOOD things happen to BAD (sinful) people?

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God..
Romans 3:23 (NKJV)

I have never experienced the depth of loss that Job felt. And yet I've found that it's easy to wallow in self-pity, thinking more highly of myself than I ought. It's difficult to accept troubles and trials with humble gratitude towards God, especially when it appears that others around us are not in similar situations. But, our Lord tells us not to compare ourselves to others. We are to keep our eyes fixed upon the Savior and follow Him.

Then Peter turning around saw the disciple whom Jesus loved...[and] said to Jesus, "But Lord what about this man?"

Jesus said to him, "If I will that he remain till I come, what is that to you? You follow Me."
John 21: 20-22 (NKJV)

Lessons Learned

While our son was hospitalized for his broken leg and multiple surgeries, I learned a few lessons:

When you think you can take no more, you will be given more...

...but God is there to strengthen you.

When you are at your lowest point, the Deceiver will attack...

...but God is there to strengthen you and fight back.

When you realize you would willingly take every bit of your child's pain upon yourself...

...you comprehend just a wee bit more, the sacrifice Jesus made for us.

When the first people to provide you with food are the very families who can afford it the least...

...you thank God for them.

In the Blink of an Eye

In the blink of an eye, a new life is brought into this world. In the blink of an eye, a life enters into eternal rest. In the blink of an eye, a life changes.

There is much that leads up to this life altering event. There is much that follows in its wake. But, what is constant is that lives are forever changed.

One day after my last post, my son fell and broke his femur. He had surgery to repair the break, and during the long surgery, complications arose with his good leg. After a total of six surgeries, and three and a half weeks in the hospital, he came home to begin his slow and painful recovery in early October.

He has progressed from being wheelchair-bound to adding a walker and crutches to his arsenal of transportation methods. Just last week he was able to begin putting limited weight on his broken leg. After months of needing a wheelchair to attend church, today he entered church using a walker for the first time since he fell.

Praise and glory to God for His mighty power, mercy, and love!

(The above photograph is a close up of a bumblebee eye.)

Grafted by God

Lord of all power and might, the author and giver of all good things: Graft in our hearts the love of your Name...

So began the Collect of the Day in today's worship. This had new meaning for me, having just endured a gum graft two days ago, now sitting in the pew with a swollen and slightly sore face. The dictionary states that grafting produces uniting, joining, attaching, or implanting. But, as all gardening books tell you, the process involves cutting and a period of recovery.

When we grafted our children into our family, via adoption, there was certainly some cutting and pain involved. Pain for my husband and me when we couldn't conceive, pain for the birth mothers as they decided what to do, pain as they placed their babies for adoption, and the pain that our children may yet experience in the future. But as we look at our family, the family that God built for the four of us, we can't imagine it any other way. The pain of the past subsides, and we are left with the delicious fruit of the graft.

When God grafts us into His family, there is some pain involved. There is pain when other family members reject the faith (and you, too, in the process). There is pain as you gradually come to realize just how sinful you truly are. There is pain when you see yourself struggle in life, and non-Christian friends or family experiencing "success." And yet, triumphant over all of this, is the thankfulness for God's grace and mercy, the joy of studying His Word, and the wonder of worshipping Him with fellow believers.

Just as one recovering from gum surgery, you may be tempted to think, "I felt better BEFORE the surgery! Everything was just fine!" In reality, none of us is "fine," and we weren't better before the surgery. We were dead in our sin! God, in His mercy, takes us, saves us, draws us to Himself, and graciously grafts us into His family. May we love His name and worship Him forever!