Love and Hate

Did you figure out what's in the photo? It's a close up of a bale of hay. The nuns at the abbey tended the field last spring and summer. They cut the hay, baled it, and are using it for their cattle. The hay brings its stored up nutrients to the cows, who in turn, provide nourishment to the nuns in the form of milk and beef. What are we nourishing our bodies with? We should be filling ourselves with the Bread of Life.

I hate and abhor lying,
But I love Your law.
Psalm 119-163 NKJV

The Beyond Consequences Online Parenting Class I've been taking dealt with lying recently. The statement was made, "Ignore the lie, but don't ignore the child." If you're like me, you're thinking, "Ignore the lie? No way! I don't want my child to grow up to be a liar! It's just plain wrong!" The class teacher, author Heather Forbes, later states that there is an implied thought in that sentence. Add the word temporarily at the beginning, to read, "Temporarily ignore the lie, but don't ignore the child." Forbes further elaborates on this thought.

"But you're saying by this point..., 'But what about the fact that my child is lying? How is he going to know that lying is wrong?' You are absolutely right; lying is wrong and the moral lesson of lying should be taught...it just cannot be taught in the heat of the moment due to the child's fear reactivity. Once the child is calm, and you're calm, perhaps an hour or later in the day, this behavior can be addressed with the child. Yet, in order for the child to absorb and fully understand that lying is wrong, the child has to be out of his fear state. His cognitive thinking pathways have to be clear and open. These pathways are engaged and fully operational only when a child is in a state of love. Remember, stress causes confused and distorted thinking, so the child must be in a calm state in order to be receptive to the rationale of why it is hurtful to lie."

"It is also important to recognize that stress suppresses short-term memory. Lecturing a child about lying during the stress of the moment will have little impact on the child's ability to remember not to lie in the future."
from Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control
by Heather T. Forbes & Bryan Post

In addition, instead of saying, "Don't lie," say, "I need you to always tell the truth." I've been consciously trying to formulate my statements to my children in this positive manner. It's also important to tell them that you can always work things out. You don't want them to think that because they've lied, you will mistrust/hate them forever. When you do come back to address the lie, let your child know you still love them, and you will fairly work out anything that may have to be undone by telling the lie.

God's Will

Fate. Destiny. Reality. Free will. God's will.

These are thoughts that consume man's mind, if he will but let them. Even a non-Christian will wrestle with these aspects of life on earth. They can be quite nebulous, just like the (accidental) photograph above. They are hard to figure out and difficult to grasp.

Perhaps that is why I, and so many other non-TV watchers, enjoy the TV show, Lost. Sure, the survivors on the island are dealing with the physical and emotional realities of being stranded on a mysterious island for most of the show's 5+ year tenure. But, the ideas of man's free will vs. God's will figure quite prominently in the story lines. (Or in the case of Lost, perhaps it's more accurate to say, the island's will.)

Some of these thoughts have served to make me most grateful that I am taking the Beyond Consequences Online Parenting Class right now. The class is not only helping me understand how to be a better parent, but it is helping me understand and process what's going on surrounding our divorce.

The chapter we've been reading for the past two weeks has to do with the fact that our own past hurts, anger, and unresolved issues are unearthed when you parent your children. The way I am able to apply it to my life has been a Godsend. It not only helps me as a mom, but the fact that much of it also applies to my divorce is what makes me believe that God's hand is in the convergence of this class and my current struggles.

Some of the thoughts I've gleaned from this chapter, which apply to both parenting challenges and going through a divorce, are:

~ Feelings of anger are normal and to be expected.
~ Current hurt unearths past hurt.
~ Anger can serve to protect you from painful memories.
~ Unchecked anger causes you to act out of fear, causes you to blame others, and becomes destructive.

The whole free will/God's will balance is one I don't think we'll ever adequately figure out, this side of heaven. I just know that because of the things this class has caused me to think about, my parenting is more effective. And, I'm better able to help steer both myself and my kids through this unpleasant sea of divorce.

Rejoice always,
pray without ceasing,
in everything give thanks;
for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
I Thessalonians 5: 16-18 NKJV

(photo taken by our daughter in a restaurant - we were being silly, and she must have moved)

Don't Give Up!

This evening I read through an old journal I started keeping about three years ago. At the time, I was looking for patterns in my effectiveness (or lack thereof) as a parent. During an especially trying time, I wrote this in my notebook: Don't give up!

I never gave up, and I never will.

As I journey down my current path towards divorce, I find that having patience in parenting is often easier these days. Some dreams have shattered into a million shards, and some of the past lies crumbled at my feet. And yet, God is extending grace and mercy to me and the kids through this difficult time. I wouldn't say that He started me down this path so that the kids and I would grow closer, but He is using it to cause growth and deep abiding love. I can praise Him in the brokenness and be content through the muck and mire.

These excerpts from our reading for the Beyond Consequences Online Parenting Class really spoke to me today:

"Parenting children with severe behaviors is not a simple job, yet it is a responsibility charged to us by God. It is a call to directly face our own fears, worries, and frustrations. Anytime those around us view our parenting struggles in a negative light, we are faced with the fear that perhaps we are not living up to the job bestowed upon us. Anytime we begin to feel as if we are ineffective parents, we are confronted with the fear of failing this calling."

"Children exhibiting severe behaviors present opportunities for us to find healing in places deep within the caverns of our hearts - dark places we never knew existed. They present us with the opportunity to make relational connections far greater than those known to mankind. While this may sound all too poetic and dripping with sugar and icing to you, it is the perspective from which we need to work and strive to attain in order to ultimately relate to our children. When a parent's heart is open and operating out of a place of love, the parent has the emotional capacity to be in the child's pain with him, instead of reacting against the child's pain and against the child."

Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control
Heather T. Forbes & B. Bryan Post

Today's journal entry?
Great day! Praise God!

Thank you, Lord, for giving me patience and understanding today. Thank you for being my Rock and Shield when I felt utter despair over the losses in my life. Thank you for the blessing of my two precious children.

(photo: notebook entry 6-21-07)

The Angel

It was God's grace that I "happened" to take the Beyond Consequences Online Parenting Class right now. Although it's designed to help us more effectively parent children who've experienced trauma, I find it's helping me as I navigate my own trauma of going through a divorce. I also realize that as I live with my pain, I understand my children's pain more vividly.

Lately, I have been anything but an angel. I find myself having great difficulty even speaking civily with my husband. I pray for patience, and yet I so readily fly off the handle. When he leaves, I calm down, see the error of my ways, ask for forgiveness from him and/or the kids, evaluate my behavior and try to learn how to be more polite the next time.

Beyond Consequences teacher, Heather Forbes, talks about the amount of stress we can take before we blow up. She calls it the Window of Stress Tolerance. To illustrate this point, I want you to think of a bucket. It's got some water in the bottom which represents your life. There are a few rocks in there too, collected from the various problems one has. Now, most of us can carry the bucket around without difficulty. Water and a few rocks get added every day, but we know to stop, take some rocks out, pour out some of the water, and go on with our buckets.

Someone who is experiencing/has experienced trauma, has a much different scenario. They have a bucket that is nearly full before they even get out of bed. As soon as they wake up, they know they must lug that heavy bucket around everywhere they go. They are tired of the water sloshing out onto their pant leg all the time. They dread the problems they know will happen today. They always do. The bucket will get too heavy. It always does. They will stand there. Holding on to the bucket with two hands. Crying. Yelling. Frustrated.

Maybe, just maybe, an angel will come along. The angel will gently take the bucket from their grip. The angel will pour out the water onto some flowers, and take the rocks out to line a garden path. The angel will give them a hug, a cup of tea, sit and chat, and then send them on their way with a manageable bucket.



Although I am carrying around my own heavy bucket, I need to be the angel to my children.

Maybe I can even be the angel to myself.

(photos: my daughter and our dog - June 2009; flowers at the Abbey - July 2009)

Beyond Consequences

I have been interested in learning more about adoption related abandonment issues. I recently heard of a 10-week online class about parenting children with challenging behaviors, and found out I could take the class for free if I promised to blog about it. Although in a round about way I'm being paid to blog, I promise to be honest about my thoughts on the course and the book we are using.

One purpose of the first class was to help us change our thinking about WHY our children misbehave. In order to do this we need to understand more about stress and how the brain works. A little bit of stress is useful, and most of us can cope with the stresses in our lives. If a car pulls out in front of us, we are sent into a state of heightened stress which enables us to react quickly and avoid an accident. After we slow down and keep a safe distance from the other car, we are able to modulate or regulate ourselves and get back to "normal".

But children who have experienced trauma in their lives can't deal with the same amount of stress. For them, the same car that has pulled out is like putting one of us in the middle of the race at the Indy 500. They quickly become overloaded or overwhelmed (dysregulated). If I were plopped into the middle of such a car race, there is no way I could observe the other drivers, glean from them how to navigate around the other cars, and blend in with the pack. And yet, often, I expect our daughter to observe others (or me), figure out how to deal with different situations, and just get with the program!, you know.

The author's contention is that if you peel back the misbehaviors, layer by layer, you will find at the core: fear. Fear of abandonment, for example, can be triggered by something that seems to have no correlation whatsoever. It's just that when the child is overwhelmed, they revert to their basic instinct of not being safe. A state of fear. The author also takes brain research from the past 20+ years and uses that to back up her claims of why the child automatically goes into a state of fear as a coping mechanism.

One of our homework assignments was to practice deep breathing so our bodies revert to it automatically when we are stressed. I have been teaching this to my children, and they've noticed the difference in their outlook right away. I want to keep practicing it when they're calm, in the hopes that it will instinctively be used when feeling overwhelmed.

I've read lots of parenting books in the course of my teaching career, and more recently as a parent. Years ago, I may have pooh-poohed this talk of fear-based behaviors. But experience has taught me that there's something to this...

The book:
Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control by Heather T. Forbes and B. Bryan Post
The Beyond Consequences Online Parenting Class is taught by Ms. Forbes.

(our happy daughter, playing her brother's guitar)

Okra and Mercy

I've only eaten okra once, and that was enough to convince me that I don't like it. We ended up with a one pound bag of frozen okra that never made it to the stove top. Instead, it has been promoted to (drum roll, please): ice pack. Yes, folks. Providing far more than its potential nutritional value, it has nursed bruises, sprains, and nebulous owies for several years now. I was going to post about Haydn this evening. Well, actually...about how little I know about the stars. But here I sit at the computer with a bag of frozen okra on my knee. (I wonder how many times Haydn and okra make it into the same paragraph??)

Bedtime reading for the kids tonight was supposed to be Farmer Boy. I had only just begun the chapter about the horse thieves and the strange dog when our own dog, Lady, barked quite vehemently at the back sliding door. My son and I came to investigate what was making our usually calm dog so agitated. We spied a dog - no leash, no master - nosing around in the greenbelt area behind our house. Our daughter came downstairs, and as she is sometimes wont to do, she riled Lady up even more. Lady turned around so quickly that she banged into my knee quite hard, and gave me a big old bruise.

It hurt like the dickens, so I sent the offending "riler" up to bed, without any more Laura Ingalls Wilder. The "rilee" continued to bark at the stray, and my son went to get his pellet gun. Just in case.

I had just read this morning from Deuteronomy 32:2:

Let my teaching fall like rain
and my words descend like dew,
like showers on new grass,
like abundant rain on tender plants.

I would like to say that I consciously thought of that verse, but that would be lying. God must have brought it into my heart anyway, because I was able to sit on my daughter's bed a few minutes later and have a far different conversation than I wanted to. Playing the martyr sounded pretty good when I first went upstairs! Throbbing knee, and all.

My daughter felt pretty bad about the whole episode, and wanted me to slap her, of all things. To make it even, she said. Of course I didn't comply. Would hurting you take away my bruise? I asked her. She knew the obvious answer to that question.

We were able to have a conversation about obedience, learning from mistakes, and turning the other cheek. She was able to see that she likes to rile up Lady because it makes her feel in control of something. When she feels out of control regarding being placed for adoption, this makes her want to take control wherever she can. The wind out of her sails, she received my forgiveness, and calmed down. She was then able to come up with some really good ideas of healthy ways to take control of various parts of her life.

I am so thankful that I was able to extend mercy to her when that wasn't my first desire. And it was all because God has extended His perfect mercy to me. He made certain I was primed with patience, mercy, and wisdom from Moses. It's a verse I've read many times before. I've copied it down. Lost it. Written it in journals. This morning, I even wrote it in marker on a piece of paper and taped it where I can see it every day while I sit in the rocker by the fireplace. All, just for this evening.

Amazing when you think of it. Our God IS an awesome God!

Now, let me get this okra back into the freezer. I don't want it to start thawing and get that slime all over everything.

The Imitation of Christ - Part 8

The Imitation of Christ - Thomas a Kempis
Book 1 Chapter 8
Of the Danger of Too Much Familiarity

I have just been praying about the importance of good friends for our children, and how we can foster healthy Christian relationships between them and their peers.

God was gracious to point me to this quote from Kempis.

Let thy company be the humble and the simple, the devout and the gentle, and let thy discourse be concerning things which edify.

Lord, help me to teach my children these truths and to discern between those relationships that fit this standard vs. those that don't.

(our daughter with her dear, dear friend from ballet)

The Harvard Coasters

This isn't at all what I planned to blog about today. I have a couple of Bible verses I wanted to write about, but...you see, I ran across these coasters...

My dad will have been gone now for four years, come May. It's hard to believe. I still have an unsettled feeling every weekend when I don't make my weekly phone call to him, halfway across the country.

In his last years, my dad had a very nice lady friend. She boxed up a few things of his and sent them out to me over a year ago. I just couldn't bring myself to dig too deeply in the box so I didn't really know what it contained. Without planning to, I looked in the box this evening. When I unwrapped his Cleveland Browns mug I almost cried. It brought back so many memories of my brothers and I watching his beloved Browns with him when I was a child. I'm not quite ready to take it out of the box yet, but it's nice knowing it's there.

Then I ran across the Harvard coasters, and another flood of memories came back. I had totally forgotten about them. A gift from my Dad's brother, a Harvard Law School grad, they are made of copper and sport the Harvard crest. Suddenly I could picture our coffee table, and my dad sitting on the couch listening to jazz and studying a score for his next band concert. Back when life was simpler.

It makes me wonder what seemingly insignificant things will trigger good memories for my own children some 40 years hence. Although we Americans seem to have so much more stuff compared to when I was growning up, I pray that my children have good memories of a home filled with love of the Lord and love of each other. I hope they run across their own Harvard coasters and bask in good memories, too.

Children and Answered Prayer

It is amazing how God graciously answers the prayers of our children.

This evening, we all took our dog, Lady, to the dog park. Our daughter was lamenting the fact that some of her favorite dogs weren't there for her to play with. So, I boldly prayed with her that God would bring one of them to the dog park within five minutes. She added that she wanted to see Belle and Strider the most. Within less than two minutes, Belle and Strider showed up!

Now, in light of eternity, a little girl's wish for two dogs to play with doesn't seem very important.

But, a few hours later, while putting our daughter to bed, she became sad about her birth mother [a recurring thing these days]. Usually, when I ask if we could pray for her birth mother, our daughter gets upset. But tonight, she agreed. Since her birth mother probably wakes up shortly after our daughter goes to bed [time zone difference], together we prayed for her birth mother to have a good day. We prayed that she would become a Christian if she isn't already. Then, our daughter prayed that her birth mother would want to talk to her when we find her [a search that we won't be able to institute for another 7 1/2 years].

Now, I know He's not Santa Claus, and His ways are not always our ways. But, if God can make two dogs show up at the dog park, can't He make a birth mother want to meet her birth daughter?

Real Work for Sons

Some dear friends and I recently got to talking about the problems of small families and living in suburbia.

First, one lady wondered if the fact that most families are small nowadays made relationships more difficult. Instead of several siblings to chose from for various games, activities, and confidences, children now usually have only one or two siblings. They don't have to learn to share on such a large scale, etc.

Then I added that perhaps even more damaging is the lack of substantive work for children to do in the family. My family is getting a little tired of me saying, "If we lived on a farm...," but I think how different our lives would be if we had a small farm. Our twelve-year-old son would have something substantive to occupy his brain, muscles, and hours. In addition, it would be IMPORTANT to the good of the family. There seems to be something wrong about living in suburbia, with Dad driving off to work every day. Even if Mom and the kids are home schooling, there are a lack of meaningful tasks for children, especially boys, to contribute to the well-being of the family.

A blogger from Pennsylvania recently wrote a post about the PBS series "Frontier House" (now out on DVD) which he and his family had viewed. Upon finishing the series, he wrote the following:

I asked my sons, why do you think these children would rather have been back on the frontier where it was all such hard work? My youngest replied, "Because they knew they were needed." They knew they were needed! Children don't need all the latest toys or video games. They need to know that they are needed (and I would say "loved" as well).

This is one of the things that draws me to agrarianism. The desire to be able to raise my boys in an environment where each is a contributing member of the family, where they can see that they are making a difference, that they are needed, that they are wanted.

I say a hearty "Amen" to this family, and I pray they are able to lead the agrarian lifestyle they so desire.

Teaching

This is one of my favorite verses about home schooling:

Let my teaching fall like rain
and my words descend like dew,
like showers on new grass,
like abundant rain on tender plants.
Deuteronomy 32:2 (NIV)


Sometimes, Lord, my words want to beat down like sleet. Help my words to descend like dew on my seedlings. Help my words to be as abundant rain on my tender plants.

Maturity

Every so often when I'm in the kitchen, I listen to snippets of the Dennis Prager Show on the radio. Today, I heard parts of an hour long interview with Dr. Steven Marmer about the topic of maturity. With our current culture's fixation on youthfulness, our children are becoming mature (i.e. responsible) later than in past generations. With immaturity, come destuctive behaviors that attempt to bring momentary distractions and joy from external sources. This often includes engaging in destructive and/or addictive behaviors.

Here are three signs of maturity, according to Dr. Marmer. As I gather the curriculum I want to use this year in school, I want to remember these sorts of life skills that are very good goals to impart to our children.

1. Don't let life's adversities drag you down. It is inevitable that they will come--we live in a fallen world. Deal with them without blowing up at your children or spouse.

2. Don't be blind to the past; learn from it. At the same time, don't be a prisoner of the past, either. Go on with life.

3. Willingly fulfill obligations.

Building Balance in Church and Family Life

CHEC Home School Conference--Part 4

So far, I have written about the following seminars we attended: Rebuilding the Wall by Doug Phillips, Building Covenant Communities by R.C. Sproul, Jr., and Building Meaningful Family Worship by Kevin Swanson.

In the 4th seminar we attended, Kevin Swanson, a pastor and the executive director of CHEC, discussed the different types of balance needed in church and family life, and how Christendom today is flailing for the proper balance. He covered a lot of ground in this seminar, so I will just share a few of his ideas.

#1 Jurisdictional Balance
God has ordained three institutions: family, church, and state. It is our duty to have a proper understanding of the rights and responsibilities of each. In today's society, the state holds an undue amount of influence in our lives. Swanson stated, "Anything that's dominated by the state will be destroyed by the state." I think this holds true in many aspects of our lives. One just needs to look at examples such as the public school system in this country, the way the government "protects a woman's right to choose," or the way the welfare state has destroyed many black families in the inner city.

#2 Core/Crust Balance
Our core is our heart; how we truly are. Our crust is that external self we show to the world. Scripture is clear on the fact that God looks at the heart, so we know this is important. Yet, our external self is important, as well. Swanson was focusing here on how we act and treat others.

#3 Heart Balance
We need to balance three aspects of our heart; our mind, our will, and our emotions.

#4 Here are five ways we can attempt to achieve balance in the various areas of our lives:
1. Honor our fathers (I would add mothers, too)
2. Be humble
3. Be long-suffering
4. Pray, pray, pray
5. Use God's Word

Building Meaningful Family Worship

Home School Conference--Part 3

Kevin Swanson, executive director of Christian Home Educators of Colorado and pastor of an OPC church, spoke on the importance of family worship. His thoughts dovetailed quite nicely with those of Doug Phillips and R.C. Sproul, Jr.

Swanson began by sharing an interview he heard with a Catholic college provost on the Hugh Hewitt radio show. The provost said, "Western civilization is falling apart," citing the low birth rate in Europe and the fading importance of the Christian church. But, the guest added that there is some hope left in the US because of the home school movement. He called these homes the "monasteries of the New Dark Age." What an important task we face if we look at our responsibilities in that light!

Swanson then proceeded to make many compelling points urging us to spend time, DAILY, in family worship. He talked about the importance of integrating our faith into our daily lives. This integration is difficult if we don't have habitual practice. We need to have family worship EVERY day; it is too easy to get our priorities jumbled very quickly. If we don't do it every day, we send the message to our children that it's not important.

Swanson also praised his parents for the Godly upbringing he received. He listed the reasons he and his five siblings are strong in their faith:
1. they were home schooled and protected from negative outside influences
2. they had daily 40 minute family worship
3. their mother prayed diligently for them
4. God's grace
5. singing--it brings God word into the heart

Mother's Day

That night Anne...knelt sweetly by her open window in a great sheen of moonshine and murmured a prayer of gratitude and aspiration that came straight from her heart. There was in it thankfulness for the past and reverent petition for the future...
(from Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery)

I recently read these words to my children about Anne taking first place in the college entrance exam. I thought, this is very much how I view motherhood. I am thankful for the past; for God's perfect plan for creating our family in His own time and way. And at the same time, I humbly ask Him for guidance for the future.

After 11 years of waiting, of heartbreak, of longings unanswered; the Lord filled my aching arms and soothed my aching heart. I am thankful beyond measure for my two precious children. Only the Lord of the Universe could have ordained such a treasure for us in the way that He did.

(Thanks also to Holt International Children's Services and United Airlines for playing a part! The photo above is of Harry and Bertha Holt, founders of the adoption agency that bears their name.)

Even Solomon

Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
Matthew 6:28b-29

I didn't want to go. We had finished school early enough, Daddy wasn't home yet, we still had nearly an hour of daylight left, and the kids wanted to walk to the reservoir to fish and feed the ducks. I wanted to stay home: knit, read. I was even willing to do laundry. But I didn't want to walk to the reservoir.

When we got to the reservoir, there was no delicately tinkling ice. But there were duck feathers. Yes, duck feathers. As I looked west towards my son fishing about 40 yards away, the afternoon sun was reflecting off the multitude of duck feathers on the ground. At any other time of day, I would have barely noticed the feathers. But in just the right angle of afternoon light, they shone like cotton blanketing the ground. That was the first marvel.

Then, as I stood with my daughter, who was happily feeding four pairs of mallards, I was instantly drawn to the males' head feathers. I always picture male mallards as having the famous iridescent green heads. But in the late afternoon sun, as the ducks bobbed around catching the bread crumbs, their heads kept changing color. It was quite beautiful to behold the colors change from green to black to dark blue to eggplant. I was quite happy to stand there and watch my children and the ducks until the sun slipped down behind the mountains.

Thanks to our gracious Lord, I was able to spend some precious time with my two children, marvel in His creation, get some exercise, and learn something new. And lest I beat this nature narrative to death, I must remind myself of pompous Mr. Collins in Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice:

Here, leading the way through every walk and cross walk, and scarcely allowing them an interval to utter the praises he asked for, every view was pointed out with a minuteness which left beauty entirely behind.

How Then Shall We Teach?

"These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." Deuteronomy 6:6-7

I'm going through The Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard. What I read today paralleled the recent blog discussions regarding turning our children's hearts towards God vs. having children who can spout all of the correct Christian verbiage. Willard states that how teachers and learners operated in Jesus' day was so different from how we attempt to teach and learn today. In order to understand what Jesus is teaching in the Beatitudes, we must first understand how He taught.

"...[T]he aim of the popular teacher in Jesus' time was not to impart information, but to make a significant change in the lives of the hearers... The teacher in Jesus' time--and especially the religious teacher--taught in such a way that he would impact the life flow of the hearer, leaving a lasting impression without benefit of notes, recorders, or even memorization. Whatever did not make a difference in that way just made no difference."

Willard then recalls where he was when he learned that President Kennedy had been shot, in order to prove his point with the following. "We automatically remember what makes a real difference in our life. The secret of the great teacher is to speak words, to foster experiences, that impact the active flow of the hearer's life. That is what Jesus did by the way He taught. He tied His teachings to concrete events that make up the hearers' lives. He aimed His sayings at their hearts and habits as these were revealed in their daily lives."

The parables that we have learned from reading the Bible will "sit in our minds and go off like the 'tiny time capsules' of popular medications. The Master teacher has done His work, or rather, keeps on doing His work."

"Now, Jesus not only taught in this manner; He also taught us, His students to the kingdom, to teach in the same way. He taught about teaching in the kingdom of the heavens--using, of course, a parable. 'So every Bible scholar who is trained in the kingdom of the heavens is like someone over a household that shows from his treasures things new and things old' (Matt. 13:52 REV). By showing to others the presence of the kingdom in the concrete details of our shared existence, we impact the lives and hearts of our hearers, not just their heads."

I don't take this to mean that we don't have our children memorize or write in our home schools. But I think it reinforces the thinking that we need to focus on the hearts of our children. For example, this doesn't mean that we don't memorize scripture, but in addition to memorizing, we teach, and watch for evidence of, hearts that are turned towards God.

The Thongs of Whose Sandals...

And this was [John's] message: "After me will come one more powerful than I, the thongs of whose sandals I am not worthy to stoop down and untie."
Mark 1:7

I love it when God takes seemingly unrelated events and/or things I read, and puts them together to show me His truth. Last week I was perusing a couple of blogs concerning the Borden/Ludwig murder case in Pennsylvania. Three blogs in particular and their subsequent comments were quite insightful: Choosing Home, The Common Room, and Spunky Homeschool.

In the middle of a swirl of thoughts concerning the Pennsylvania teens, I read from Mark 1:7, "...the thongs of whose sandals I am not worthy to stoop down and untie." I was shocked. I was humbled. I was convicted.

I was struck by how John's humility was an important message to those of us who have the blessing of parenting. Here was John the Baptist, the cousin of Jesus, the messenger, the "voice of one calling in the wilderness," the one who would baptize our Lord. John, whom God created "to prepare the way for the Lord," stating that he was unworthy to untie Jesus's sandals! The dusty roads of John's time would certainly make for quite dirty feet; but compound this with the fact that the duty of untying sandals was usually performed by non-Jewish slaves.

The discussion of the Pennsylvania case has been very clear about the importance of knowing your children's hearts and the false sense of security that things such as having a church-going family, Christian parents, home schooling, etc. can possibly bring. John the Baptist is certainly physically capable of removing Jesus's sandals, but he intimates he is unworthy to perform the duty of a non-Jewish slave. If he felt this way, how can we ever take our parenting responsibilities lightly? We are accountable for the eternal souls of the little ones we bring into our families! If John does not feel fit to undo the strap of Jesus's sandals, should we not then be continually on our knees regarding our children?!?

Today in My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers commented on Luke 18:1, "They should always pray and not give up." He wrote, "You cannot intercede if you do not believe in the reality of the Redemption; you will turn intercession into futile sympathy with human beings which will only increase their submissive content to being out of touch with God...Our work lies in coming into definite contact with God about everything, and we shirk it by becoming active workers. We do the things that can be tabulated but we will not intercede."

God, forgive us our complacency and spur us "further up and further in" towards more Godly parenting of, and prayer for, the precious ones You have placed in our care!

Mother's Day

No, I haven't misplaced my calendar. Yes, I know it's November. But I also know when to 'treasure these things in my heart.' Tonight I had one of those experiences that didn't start off particularly extraordinary. Yet, when the evening was over, I got to do something special for one of my children, and get rewarded with a huge smile. What a nice Mother's Day! A true Mother's Day!

Just before drifting off to sleep, my daughter (age 9) got up with a tummy ache. She thought she had to throw up, so I sat with her in the bathroom. The first thing she requested was, "Mama, please pray to God." After my prayer, she added, "God, if you know that I'm going to throw up, please let me do it soon!"

To calm her, I told my daughter a long story, improvised on the spot. It was about a (real) doll of hers who wanted a stuffed animal of her own. As my daughter's tummy began to calm down, I went to get her doll AND the littlest stuffed animal I could find in her collection. When I returned with the doll and the stuffed animal, you would have thought I'd brought my daughter the most magical gift in the world, judging by the look on her face.

When I tucked her back into bed, she said, "Mama, God answered our prayers, didn't He?" Isn't it a marvel when God does indeed answer our prayers for our children. Even in those times when we ourselves doubt He will. I think He must do this to help build up their faith so that when they are older, they will not falter when they suffer adversity, which they most certainly will and most certainly must.

Then, my daughter asked, "Mama, did you have that story all planned out?"

"No," I replied, "I just made it up right then and there."

"Wow!" she beamed. "You are the BEST storyteller in the world!"

She put her head on her pillow, still beaming, and gazed at me lovingly. That was when I decided I'd just had a wonderful Mother's Day. On November 12th.

So What Does This Have to Do with Motherhood?

So what exactly do the riots in France have to do with motherhood in suburbia? They have quite a bit to do with it actually. France did not get into this situation overnight. If we're astute, we in America will learn from Europe's mistakes before it is too late.

We're following much too closely in their footsteps as it is. First, the degree of ignorance of IMPORTANT truths is appalling. We spend so much time, effort, and money on the entertainment industry (I include professional sports in this category) and the fluff of life. Second, political correctness has run amok in our culture. We have denied ourselves the ability, even the obligation, to say what needs to be said. Consequently, evil is allowed to fester and eventually triumph. Third, too many people in the U.S. look to the government to solve society's ills (nevermind the problem of agreement on what those ills are, in the first place). Fourth, most people in political office are looking out for their political futures and the advancement of the Party, rather than what is best for this country.

What is best for the cattle rancher in Nebraska? What is best for the teacher in inner city Detroit? What is best for the housekeeper at the Days Inn in Miami? What is best for the coal miner in West Virginia? What is best for the priest of the small parish in rural Vermont? What is best for the single welfare mom in Houston? What is best for the home schooling mom in Lander, Wyoming? What is best for the WWII vet at the VA hospital in Honolulu? What is best for the concertmaster of the Chicago Symphony? What is best for the drunk sleeping on the sidewalk in L.A.? What is best for the soldiers in Iraq? And, yes, what is best for Jennifer Aniston?

If I don't care what happens to America, if I don't try to see what is happening in the world and how it impacts us, if I don't try to teach my children the truth, how to recognize the truth, how to fight for the truth...then I have failed as a parent. If I teach them who they are in Christ, if I teach them to get A's in Math, if I shuttle them to their music lessons; but I don't urge them to search out the truth and fight for it...then I have failed as a parent. And if I say nothing about "youths" rioting all over France...then, too, I have failed as a parent.