Monday, May 21, 2007

I Can Barely Remember


This school year has been one of tremendous trials. First, our son's broken leg in September, followed by months of painful recovery. Second, my mother's two hospitalizations for pneumonia and other complications, including almost dying in the emergency room. (A terrifying prospect with an unsaved loved one.) And now, with our daughter's adoption issues, I can barely remember a "normal" life.

I am pro-life and pro-adoption, but I'm seeing first-hand what being "given up for adoption" does to the child. Our daughter is suffering from tremendous pain that reaches its ugly tentacles to the core of her being. Although she now has a family who loves her dearly, she still sometimes feels abandoned and unwanted because of being placed for adoption by her birth mother.

Recently, after a tearful angry time, she was able to finally rationally talk to me about her feelings. We had a conversation about her birth mother that went something like this:

Me: If you could talk to your birth mother, what would you say?

Daughter: (quietly) Hi.

Me: What would you say next?

Daughter: (crying) Why did you give me away!?

I will never personally know the full extent of what my daughter feels. But I know for certain that it's extremely painful. I pray that God will heal her feelings of loss and rejection, that He will give us strength and wisdom to endure this season, and that He will be glorified.


(Note about photo: This picture of a mother and daughter from Guatemala is in honor of my cousin's newly adopted daughter.)

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